YOUNG MAN, ARE YOU MARRIAGEBLE OR MANAGEABLE? (1)

This is to my fellow male folks, but ladies would also consider it a good read.

C’mon, fella let’s talk man-to-man.

Have you heard of domestic responsibility (for me, also known as DR)? And better still, have you cultivated it?

DR is not a code for servants and slaves. No, not at all. Sons serve. Besides, manhood is a high calling and is dignified by responsibility. An irresponsible man is a contradiction in terms.

We don’t have to be cooks, but we must learn to cook well. We don’t have to be dish-washers, but we must learn to wash dishes well. We don’t have to be drycleaners, but we must learn to wash and iron clothes well. We don’t have to be house cleaners, but we must learn to sweep floors and clean conveniences.

Some guys out there are domestically irresponsible, yet, cosmetically luxurious. That is an excessive evil under the sun!

For every lack of responsibility, a man voluntarily forfeits his legal rights and puts himself at the mercy of another – perchance, female folks. And perhaps, domestic irresponsibility stands out as worst of all for by it the notorious Esau traded his birth right and was reduced to a meal of bread and stew.

DR therefore is not fundamentally necessitated by marriage, but personal dignity, security and relevance. Elsewhere, the man Lot preserved himself and his family by practicing DR even though he had an irresponsible wife (unlike Sarah, his wife did not prepare the meal when he accommodated angels in his house; he did it all by himself)!

Nevertheless, if we as men do not practice DR, we can’t really appreciate the true worth of female folks in the home and the society at large, and neither can we reflect their worth to them. On the premise of masculine dignity and recognition of value of female folks, if domestic irresponsibility is not curtailed in boyhood, it could translate to marital infidelity in adulthood by which a man could also be reduced to a piece of bread only!

A man who knows how to eat without washing his plates might end up becoming good in bed without knowing how to make a bed. Selah.

That sounds humorous, but more importantly, an irresponsible man will be fatally ruined by the cruelty of whores before he gains an ounce of wisdom. O, how shall a man know the true value of women if he refuses to stick to one only?

It is therefore not wrong to assert that we as men have a large portion of blame for the ever-increasing societal disorder being perpetuated by feminists. Hence, before dreaming of a life partner, soul mate or whatever you call it, you just have to be certified in DR by an accredited parental figure, whether biological or otherwise.

As a young man awaiting result, I don’t like airing my views on marriage publicly, especially as I have humbly judged that there is a lot more that a man cannot know about marriage without being in it. But today, the temptation is quite strong and I’m afraid that I’m already succumbing!

Anyway, I just want to communicate common sense. I promise to keep it simple; but as always, no unnecessary diplomacy. Just blunt!

It is quite alarming how peace is stifled out of many homes today because many a young man was treated like an invalid when growing up. They possibly had everything done for them: laundry, cooking, dish-washing, cleaning of conveniences, etc.

Success is never an accident; it is the result of proper planning and preparation. A man who is domestically handicap is not fit for marriage. Before you think about that venture, please count the cost. In the 21^st century, DR is a core course for men who aim to be successful husbands and distinguished fathers; if you fail in it, you lose greatly.

And let us always remember that our sons will learn from us; so if we are wrong, we would regrettably perpetuate our wrong in posterity.

Sincerely, I am quite appalled at the fact that my generation hardly knows real men. There is so much careless talk about us in female circles that does not represent who we truly are in anyway. The outcry is great and derogatory, but not unfounded; the female folks have just been pushed to the wall. Indeed, the pride of humanity is slain upon the high places and the daughters of the Philistines have lifted their voice.

Now, we need to return to the ancient practice when men treated women like angels with real sacrificial love and women in turn reverenced them like kings and deities, not because of the size of their magnified egos, but because of the magnitude of responsibility they shouldered on all fronts. Those were the times when a woman willingly and adoringly called her husband ‘Lord’ and any feminist talk would have been tantamount to blasphemy! Men lived beyond themselves and were perceived as being larger than life by their families.

Truth be told, in marriage, love begins with the man, hence, the ancient Scriptural command, ‘Husbands, love your wives’. Marriage therefore can be endured on the love of the woman, but can only be enjoyed on the love of the man. It is the love of the man expresses through selfless sacrifices that causes the woman to submit devotedly to him.

Besides, the love of the man is explained practically elsewhere thus: ‘Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honour to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers my not be hindered.’ (I Peter 3:7, ESV)

To be pragmatic, sometimes, the best way to show love to our wives is to be domestically responsible. Simple as it sounds, it will suffice. No other language will communicate love better to them in such instances.

And we should not even think of employing house helps because we’ve got all the money, else, we should also be thinking of employing other lovers for our wives because what they will crave is not just help, but love – and that is spelt as (domestic) help from us as their husbands particularly!

Perhaps, this makes the famous temptation episode in Egypt debatable. Joseph was just everything a woman wanted in a man and Potiphar left him with his wife! So who was tempted – Joseph or Potiphar’s wife? The underlying fact is that whatever your answer, Potiphar himself was the problem!

Let us take heed to our ways. Selah.

Bright UKWENGA