YOUNG MAN, ARE YOU MARRIAGEBLE OR MANAGEABLE? (2)

In the first part of this series, I wrote extensively on the need for men to cultivate domestic responsibility, hence dignifying manhood, understanding the value of female folks and building our influence from the home, as we proceed from boyhood to adulthood. I also highlighted that negligence of DR as a core course has caused a great deal of societal disorder and occasioned the feminist movement.

In this sequel, I want to underscore two more important points on our part that is necessary to erase mediocrity and restore dignity to manhood.

First, strong men are gentlemen and one distinguishing factor of a gentleman is his respect for the rule of courtesy especially with regards to the opposite sex.

We should open the door for ladies, give up our seat for them, allow them first choice, compliment them positively for their appearance, especially when they get a new hair-do, clothes or jewelleries. The list cannot just be exhausted here.

Our words have a powerful effect on ladies (and even more effect on us). As a matter of fact, they fashion a critical gateway to female hearts and we don’t have to be wordsmiths to deliver something good to them – just be sensitive, positive and polite. No flatteries; for sycophancy is tantamount to mockery and merely indicates shallow-mindedness in the talker, but gracious words provide security and encouragement, hence, inspiring people to get better daily.

Notwithstanding the abnormalities of today, the fact remains that every right-thinking lady appreciates every bit of your chivalrous acts and eventually returns them in greater measure to you. Also, the respect you earn from a lady when you demonstrate courtesy to her is unfathomable!

Courtesy is not something you reserve for your future partner; rather, it should be second nature to you. If you think that you will start learning and showing courtesy just when you get married, you will not only be too late, but also too rusty for your spouse to cope with.

By the way, you want to woo a lady without being courteous to the other female folks around her? You must be kidding. C’mon, wise up and grow up!

Or you think you will treat a lady anyhow simply because you have no marital interest in her and even her friends? That’s an expensive joke. You don’t even know the kind of men they will marry and the manner of sons that they will have!

Here is another vital point: we should learn to trim our egos, keep our calm and control our tempers. Ego might be useful, but its beauty lies in its modest use; for hard drugs, if at all necessary, should be taken in small dosage. In fact, a healthy ego is tempered and even submerged in meekness.

Ladies will always be ladies. You will find many out there who are full of anxiety and careless with words. But the same sun that melts butter hardens clay, so it depends on the nature of the substance, not the heat; in this case, the kind of heart you present to the maidens determines your eventual reality with them.

It is true that we have physical strength and can easily overpower ladies, but we must always remember that our strength is given to us to defend ourselves and build lasting legacies by protecting the vulnerable, not breaking the bruised reed. So let us think constructively and not fall into the temptation of impulsive destruction.

Before we call our egos to work, we must ensure that our tempers are completely turned off. A real man manifests the glory of manhood by passing over transgressions. His ego restrains him from causing harm while he maintains majestic silence.

In the end, a man’s glory is seen in defending justice by forgiving the ignorant offender, thereby leaving others in wonder of magnanimity and bringing them under loving subjection of his masculine royalty. Little wonder the popular argument that a man is known by his ability to manage a woman, especially her excesses.

Have you also learnt to apologize to ladies when wrong? If not, why not? A real man is not possessed by his ego; rather, he possesses his ego. There is no harm in saying sorry to a lady. That does not make you vulnerable in any way. The fact is you are vulnerable already; apologizing only helps to redeem your situation, but refusing to apologize merely deepens your vulnerability.

Let’s not be carried away by the respect we get from ladies and the public in general. We are humans, and our humanity is one of most remarkable qualification for leading them. Our contrition heals our conscience, lifts their spirit and maintains peace in the atmosphere. Strong men say sorry when wrong in order to stay strong!

I have only shared common sense. As a young man, you can take it or leave it. You might as well like me or hate me for my gutted assertions here. However, keep in mind the words of Socrates:

“By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you will be happy. If you get a bad one, you will be a philosopher.”

A critical examination of those words reveals that a man who becomes a philosopher by reason of terrible marriage is a miserable husband. I read recently that Socrates was such a man himself, although he was yet content with his position. His wisdom did not afford him a better chance in marriage, but our senses may as well instruct us from his example before we pigheadedly end up regretting our inclination to his philosophical path.

And perhaps, the legendary thinker actually nailed it well in that remark, but it is arguable if a man could simply get a good wife. For if at all he does, how can he recognize and acknowledge her if he is a bad husband himself?

Yes, ‘He that finds a good wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord’, but a bad husband is a disgrace to the grace of God.

In my humble opinion, a man makes his wife; and his wife makes his home. This way, he leads a family, builds a nation and preserves generations by the quality of his life.

As I draw the curtain on this mind-bugging discussion, I want to consider that some female folks have successfully spied on our man-to-man talk here. So in case, as a lady, you have read and enjoyed this piece with a feminine veil cast on your mind, kindly note that I did not intend to prove your criticisms right or enflame your growing disdain for men.

It is a sobering fact that both men and women alike are responsible for the issues addressed here; for while there are many poor fatherly models, there are many over-pampering mothers, among other causative attributes. Both do much damage, but I have just been keen on men, because I believe that when the men are men again, the women will know their place, take it and keep it with joy.

Furthermore, responsible men might be scarce but they are yet scattered here and there. The best way to miss out on finding one is to believe that they are extinct. And the best way to secure one is to be responsible yourself, not just believing in their existence.

So let the revival begin from our knees. Not pointing fingers. Not careless talk; not irreverent gossiping and back-biting. Not loveless preaching. But heartfelt prayers, prudent practices and tender corrections as occasion demands.

Remember, the change begins with you!

#IStandWithTheMen

Bright UKWENGA