From Probing to Solving Problems: Withholding Information

You don’t need to be a theologian to know the story of Samson and Delilah. It is too popular to be ignored. At one point or the other, whether in a children Bible Class or training on leadership and power management, you will encounter that story which was a defining moment of the life of the strongest man that the world ever saw.

A great leader he was who began the deliverance of Israel from Philistine oppression, but Samson’s life was ruined by lust as it blinded him to the purpose that he was supposed to fulfil and weakened his will in that direction. Nevertheless, it was careless speech that ultimately gave him away to his enemies – as it initially did with the first woman he wanted to marry.

The point here is not to debate whether intending couples in pre-marital counselling should be advised to be 100 percent open to each other or not as they go into marriage – the inglorious fall of Adam and Eve from grace balances that question. However, we know that people are not always well-prepared to receive the information that we are eager to give to them. And things get messy when we proceed on our zeal-without-knowledge adventure of information-sharing.

I am not even talking about enemies here – everyone knows well enough to keep his or her enemies at a distance – I am talking about friends, family members and loved ones who mean well but are not prepared to hear what we have to tell them.

Withholding information is a discipline that we must practice to prevent unnecessary problems that might erupt with those we love. While we often practice this principle when the news of a loved one’s death is to be announced, it is far more important in preventing deaths in the first place.

Asked about how he manages loneliness as a leader, Dr Sam Adeyemi told the audience at the just-concluded Excellence in Leadership Conference (ELC) that it was necessary to keep certain information about one’s challenges and testimonies to one’s self and an inner circle.

He mentioned that he learnt that hard lesson after he discovered that while people were glad to receive his first three testimonies, the smile on their faces began to fade as he proceeded to tell yet another. “Not that they meant any harm,” he said, “but they did not have the required capacity to hear so much at that time.”

As the curtain closed on His earthly ministry, Jesus told His disciples, “I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now.” The information was good for them but they could not handle it well at that time. They had to be processed and primed for it.

I have always been an advocate of sincerity. “There is no SIN in SINCERITY, only in the spelling,” I used to say. By all means, be open and honest. It is far easier to tell the truth than to devise a lie. And the confidence, calmness and security that comes with openness and sincerity make them significant factors for health.

However, I advise that people should also have a skilful tongue. Such is not a tongue that devises lies, but that knows who to talk to at the time, what volume of information should be given and how exactly to convey the information.

Unfortunately, since social media has democratized the path to the celebrity realm, many people now give out more information about themselves than necessary, exposing themselves to unnecessary danger. I once saw a post on social media humorously recalling that before the advent of social media, we kept our secrets in journals; but now we put our lives on social media and have no secrets. This is both ridiculous and tragic.

Practically speaking, when you are employed in an organization, you would do yourself a lot of good by withholding some of your good opinions lest you are considered insubordinate and even a threat to management. Even as a leader, there are some information you should not give to your subordinates before you create chaos that you are not prepared to deal with.

Giving information is like building a house – it should be line upon line. Before you express your opinion or give information, always consider the person you are giving it to and be sure that he or she can bear it.

Jesus did not mention anything about His death to His disciples until they demonstrated that they had known that He is the Son of God (See Matthew 16: 13-23). Of course, it is His divine Sonship that gives significance to His death. Even then, they still could not properly deal with the information concerning His death but it would have been worse had they not had the background knowledge of His divine Sonship.

Always remember that the person, the timing and the use of words make the difference. “Those who control their tongue will have a long life,” said wise King Solomon, “opening your mouth can ruin everything.”

To your greatness,

Bright UK

The Chief Scribe